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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28656681">tell me (that you're almost mine)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/toddperry/pseuds/toddperry'>toddperry</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dead Poets Society (1989)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Being all cute and happy in New York, Charlie is mentioned briefly, First Kiss, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Neil Perry (Dead Poets Society) Lives, Neil and Todd in New York, Neil's suicide attempt is mentioned, Snow, There is an oc in here, they go ice skating</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 12:33:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,884</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28656681</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/toddperry/pseuds/toddperry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Neil and Todd now live in New York, Todd reflects on their life there and they go ice skating.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Todd Anderson &amp; Neil Perry, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>tell me (that you're almost mine)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>dedicated to campitts, ily all &lt;3 this was literally only supposed to be about them ice skating but i got carried away with the narrative, i haven't read it back properly so please forgive any mistakes, enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a bitter winter breeze in New York as Neil and Todd wandered the streets of the city. They had spent the morning at the college library, Neil was reading Hamlet in preparation for an audition he was going for at a local theatre – he was hoping to get the role of Laertes, he thought aiming for Hamlet was too much wishful thinking even though Todd had told him he could do it – and Todd was preparing a presentation he had to make for class on a poem of his choice. His tutor had encouraged them to make it personal, and so he had chosen Whitman’s ‘O Captain! My Captain!’ and decided he would include some of his experiences being taught by Mr Keating, and how this poem related to one of the most impactful people in his life. </p><p>The other most impactful person was Neil, who was currently buying a hot dog from a street vendor and Todd, being vegetarian, was having churros bought for him by the other boy. Todd had offered to pay himself, but Neil refused saying that he owed Todd because he had practised his lines with him the other day while they had a few free hours. The two of them were in their first year of college, Neil having applied for a drama course and Todd reading English Lit. Somehow, they had managed to snag each other as roommates and so far, their time in New York had been full of freedom and exploration. Todd had enjoyed the autumn there, he liked to watch the leaves on the trees outside their residence turn gradually from green to an array of reds and oranges. He had written a few poems about them, but most ended up scrapped, deemed not good enough for his portfolio. But the season that he favoured most in New York had to be Winter. </p><p>Todd won’t deny that the snow brought unhappy memories of the previous December when Neil’s depression had reached its climax, resulting in a suicide attempt after he played Puck in the Henley Hall play. But Todd also remembered the time he visited Neil in hospital a week after his attempt and he had been allowed to wheel Neil outside in a wheelchair. It had begun to snow lightly as they stood just outside the hospital entrance and Neil, who had remained quiet and morose for most of Todd’s visit, grinned when he felt the soft flakes fall against his face and he stuck his tongue out to catch them. Todd, stood behind Neil holding the handles of the wheelchair, had placed his hand on Neil’s shoulder and rubbed it, before he followed the other boy’s lead and closed his eyes before sticking his tongue out too. Neil turned his face round to Todd a few moments later, and when Todd opened his eyes again, he was met with a grinning Neil, whose black eyelashes were shimmering with snowflakes, who simply said,</p><p>“Todd, I would have missed this if I had gone”</p><p>And Todd almost began to cry because Neil was smiling and Neil was alive enough to find the joy in the snowfall, but instead he held back his tears and ran a thumb over Neil’s cheek which was growing rosy from the cold before replying “I know Neil, I’m glad you didn’t.”</p><p>They had gone back in after that and Neil seemed a bit brighter, it was months truly before Neil was out of the danger zone, but he had begun to see a therapist and was put on medication to help with his mood swings. And so, eventually, the two boys found themselves on a bus to New York with a suitcase between them and the clothes on their backs. Their parents supported them financially to a certain extent, but the money they received just covered the rent, and so both boys had taken up jobs to help with the cost of food and extracurriculars.</p><p> Neil worked in a small coffee shop just down the block from where they lived, through this he had become friends with a seventy-five-year-old woman called Eleanor, Todd laughs every time when he thinks about this story, who had hit on him on his first day on the job. Neil had got flustered and messed up her order but instead of being mad she just found the whole thing hilarious, and ever since that first mistake, she kept coming back and would always say some silly pick-up line to Neil. Then, to replicate their first meeting, he would mess up her order, now purposely, and Eleanor would act like it was still the funniest thing on earth and thank Neil for humouring her in her old age.</p><p> This friendship that was characterised by oddity was beneficial in the end, because it turned out she had connections in the theatre business, having acted in her youth and now being a patron of a local theatre, and it was her who had offered Neil his new audition for Hamlet. Todd was bemused by the whole friendship, only Neil would become friends with a woman four times older than him. They had also begun to go out for coffee together and Eleanor would buy Neil fancy colourful scarves, Todd teased Neil that perhaps there was more to this relationship, but Neil would blush and simply state that Eleanor was helping him, and she gave good advice. </p><p>Despite how odd it all was, Todd loved to see how Neil was flourishing away from his father and the pressing weight of his expectations back in Vermont. Neil was charismatic back at Welton, most people could not deny the boy anything, but in New York where he was totally free to be himself Neil was like a radiant beam of happiness, and everyone wanted a slice of him. Sometimes Todd would get jealous, like when they would go to parties and people would flock to talk to Neil, but then Todd would remember that at the end of the day no one knew Neil like him, and Neil would always come to him when it all got a bit too much for him. Todd, in truth, was perfectly happy to follow Neil’s lead and be a witness to his brightness. </p><p>Todd worked in a local bookshop at the weekends, and occasionally he took up a few shifts at the College library stacking shelves and organising the books for cataloguing. He was content with the jobs, and it also meant that when business was slow, he could read the books he was supposed to be selling or putting away. Plus, the bookshop held monthly slam poetry nights and encouraged by Neil, Todd had started performing at them. Normally you had to pay a small fee to take part, just to help out the bookshop, but Todd got employee discount- meaning he could perform for free. Todd acted oblivious to it, but he was beginning to garner a bit of a following, and Neil knew it wouldn’t be long before some publishing house recognised his genius too and his first anthology would be published. It was another thing to add to the list of reasons he was glad to be alive. </p><p>Todd was suddenly jolted out of his thoughts by Neil asking whether Todd wanted toffee sauce or chocolate with his churros, responding quickly with a request for toffee he waited a moment for Neil to pay, before taking the food from the stall and turning back to face down the sidewalk. </p><p>“Where to next, then?” Todd asked, they had a few hours left before they were supposed to be going to a friend’s flat for a potluck, Neil had planned ahead and bought a cheesecake the day before, they’d been made responsible for dessert this time after the last potluck where Neil had accidentally put chili powder instead of paprika in the soup and everyone had complained about the pain for weeks afterwards. </p><p>“Well, we’re near the Rockefeller, how about we go ice skating? The rink is still open, I think,” Neil glanced at his watch, “It’s worth a look anyways.” </p><p>Todd had seen the photos of Truman Capote skating on the rink in LIFE magazine back in 1959, he had become a little obsessed with the novelist after reading ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’, and once he had seen the pictures, he had told Neil about it, expressing how he wanted to skate on the Rockefeller rink one day. So, Todd could not help but think that perhaps Neil had deliberately led him in the direction of the building, they continued walking and Todd shared some of his food with Neil as they made their way to the plaza. </p><p>When they arrived the sun was setting, and the glow of the early evening fell over the city. Todd marvelled at the bronze Prometheus statue that stood sentinel over the plaza and recounted the tale of the Titan to Neil when he asked what it was. The quote on the statue was one of Aeschylus’, and Todd told Neil that he would one day like to see Neil in a Greek tragedy,</p><p>“I think you’d make a good Oedipus, or maybe Ajax… no, no, actually, I’d like to see you in a comedy, you could be Dionysus in Aristophanes’ ‘Frogs’” and Todd began laughing at the ridiculous look on Neil’s face,</p><p>Neil gave the blonde boy a stern look, “I’m going to be a serious actor, Todd.” but it only lasted a moment because soon the corners of Neil’s mouth were quirking up and then he burst into a fit of laughter too, before he paused and added “God, that was so pretentious”,  and then he was laughing again and he kept glancing at Todd with a look that could only be described as adoration by an outside viewer, but Todd was too shy and uncertain to accept that Neil could look at him like that.</p><p>“Come on then Mr. Serious Actor, lets skate”, and so they headed to the kiosk for buying tickets, Todd asked for two adult passes but before he could even get the cash out of his wallet, Neil was leaning past him to hand the woman the money,</p><p>“Keep the change.”</p><p>Todd turned to him, “Neil you didn’t need to pay, you got the food”</p><p>“Oh Todd, let me treat you… please?”</p><p>And Todd sighed out an “Okay then” because it was already too late anyways, and it felt nice to be the object of Neil’s attention and though he would never venture to think it meant more than just a friend being kind, Todd’s heart soared at the thought that Neil wanted to treat him so badly. It let him play pretend in his mind that he lived in a world where Neil loved him back.</p><p>Soon they were skating, or at least attempting to, around the rink. Neil’s long black overcoat fluttering behind him in the wind and the cashmere scarf Eleanor had gifted him was knotted loosely around his throat. Todd was unsteady on his feet and gripped the surrounding barrier, pulling himself along the ice. Neil, who always seemed to be perfect at everything he did, was twirling and spinning around on the ice as if he was an Olympic skater. He slowed to a stop beside Todd, who looked like a newly born foal on wobbly legs, and asked,</p><p>“Do you want me to hold your hand?” and Todd blushed, but motivated by the desire to not be a killjoy he nodded and before he had even finished nodding Neil had grabbed his hand and pulled Todd towards him.</p><p>“Woah! Ne- Neil watch it!”, but Neil just laughed, letting go of Todd’s hand to steady him on the ice. Holding the boy’s waist, he kept him still before he took back one of his hands and slowly, they began to move together.</p><p>Neil smiled brightly at the other boy and cheerfully exclaimed “See, it’s easy Todd!”, but what Neil was unaware of was the fact that his scarf had begun to slip off of his neck, and so following a sharp turn around the corner it fell fully off in front of both boys. Neil went down first, his skates tangled up in the blue and green tartan, and Todd, unable to remain steady without the balance Neil provide, toppled over the top of him. </p><p>They sat in a clump on the floor, Neil looked like he was in a bit of a tizzy and Todd’s eyes were wide open in shock. They sat in silence like that for a moment before they both simultaneously burst in raucous laughter. Once the laughter died down, Neil budged over slightly and twisted his body around to face Todd. He was about to offer the boy his hand to help him stand, but he found Todd staring at him with a curious look in his eyes, Neil stared back equally as enraptured and decided that it was time to seize the day like Keating had taught them. </p><p>Neil leant forward slowly, and Todd moved his head to meet him, and soon they were kissing on the floor of the Rockefeller ice rink, and they were happy and free in New York with no one to stop or judge them. They kissed until they could no longer breathe, and they pulled apart and opened their eyes to witness the snow start to fall over the city. Light flakes floated down through the air, dusting their hair and cheeks like icing sugar. They stood up then, aware they were becoming a hazard to other skaters. They moved to the edge and leant against the barrier and Neil made a remark about how a large flake had landed on Todd’s plump cheek and then he was leaning forward again to kiss the snowflake off his cheek. Perhaps it was the taste of it that reminded him, because then Neil’s eyes shot open and he was pulling back and asking,</p><p>“Do you remember last year? In the hospital… when we went outside and it looked like the world had turned white?”</p><p>“Yeah, I do Neil, you said- you said you were glad you didn’t miss it” </p><p>He glanced up at the night sky, “I want to do it again, taste the snow, feel the cold again and have it remind me I’m alive.”</p><p>“Do it then.” Todd replied, and then they were stood there grinning like fools, routinely sticking their tongues out to taste the snow, and every so often they would share a kiss and giggle. Todd had never felt happier in his life.</p><p>They moved on after a bit and skated a few more laps before Neil laughed to himself and said,</p><p>“Well, I guess you could say that you fell for me Todd”</p><p>Todd countered Neil by saying “You fell first!”  but he laughed nevertheless, and he thought to himself that he had fallen for Neil a long time ago.</p><p>“This was a good first date” Neil said, and Todd whipped his head round to face him,</p><p>“Date?” he was looking at Neil with a face of total confusion,</p><p>“Yeah, date… that’s what this is” </p><p>Todd was dumbfounded, “Neil you’re supposed to ask someone out on a date, not just presume they know it is one.”</p><p>“I know, I know, but Eleanor said this would woo you and she, of course, has lots of experience”</p><p>Now Todd knew Eleanor knew about him, he had met her a few times, but Todd was surprised that Neil had confided in her about liking him,</p><p>“You told Eleanor you liked me?”</p><p>Neil looked sheepish then, “Er- no actually, Charlie did,“ but Todd cut him off,</p><p>“Charlie!?” Todd was even more confused now than before the date revelation, “Charlie knows Eleanor?”</p><p>“Well, I told her about him once and she said he ‘simply has to write!’ and so I gave her his address and she sent him a scarf and god knows what else in a letter,” Neil continued “and they’ve been pen pals for about two months now.” He let out a small chuckle, “She sends him scarves and he writes knock-knock jokes for her.”</p><p>Todd stared at Neil incredulously, “You know what? Yeah, that sounds exactly like the both of them, and I’m glad because otherwise it might have taken a whole lot longer for either of us to kiss the other.”</p><p>Neil chuckled again, but then his features turned soft and his eyes glistened a bit, Todd focused on the snowflakes that caressed Neil’s face, and then Neil was softly whispering,</p><p>“Tell me that you’re almost mine then”</p><p>Without hesitation Todd replied, “I already am.”</p><p>Todd grasped Neil’s face gently and ran his thumb over his cheek before he pulled Neil down towards him and kissed him softly. Neil mumbled something into the kiss and Todd pulled back to ask what he had said, Neil smiled and answered,</p><p>“I said I love you.”</p><p>“Oh.” A red flush took over Todd’s face, “I love you too, Neil.” And he took Neil’s hand and kissed it, before pulling him back into the centre of the rink where they skated holding hands under the city lights, with the bustle of shoppers and tourists drowned out by their beating hearts.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>you can find me on twt as @nuwanderism</p></blockquote></div></div>
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